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Life Coaching Thoughts & Tips
Watch this space for regular insights.
Assertiveness is one of four main types of behaviour. The others are passive, aggressive and passive aggressive behaviours. What do each type of behaviour include?
Passive people may find it hard to stand up for their rights or to speak up even when they have something important to say. There may be apologies such as “I’m terribly sorry but…” even when something isn’t their fault. They tend to use hesitant and uncertain words and phrases, such as: “I’m not sure”, “I’ll see”, “Maybe”, “Perhaps” and “I don’t mind” even when they do mind.
In contrast aggressive people are likely to stand up for their rights by treading on yours. They may blame you, point the finger at you, make demands upon you and tell you what you “should” do. They tend to be poor listeners, preferring to listen to themselves than to you!
Passive aggression or indirect aggression is a complex mix of the above and can feel hard to spot. It includes behaviours such as false flattery, manipulation, trying to make you feel guilty so you will say yes against your own wishes or better judgement, sulking and the silent treatment. It’s designed to get you to feel uncomfortable or guilty, so you’ll accede to the person’s wishes.
Assertiveness is about being direct yet courteous, expressing feelings appropriately, standing up for your rights whilst respecting others’ rights, taking responsibility and using “I” statements rather than telling someone what “You” (they) should do.
Most people are a mix of behaviours, though each person may have one main default behaviour. People also tend to behave differently according to the person they are with, such as when talking to a parent or a child, to a partner, a lawyer or doctor, or a senior manager.
Are you suspicious of compliments? Don’t be – unless you have unequivocal evidence that they are meant merely to flatter and manipulate.
When someone congratulates you, such as on a presentation or for an act of kindness, take care not to throw it back at them with self-deprecating comments: “I didn’t think people liked it” or “It was nothing”. These comments minimise the giver’s judgement as well as indicating a lack of confidence on your part.
Welcome the compliment. Say “Thank you” “I am glad you liked it” “It’s kind of you to say so”. It will leave you, and them, with a positive feeling.
Expressing appreciation and giving positive feedback to others can both reflect your own level of self-esteem and enhance it. It enables the recipient to know what they’r doing well and build on it. It’s the same for you when someone tells you what you’ve done well, they are offering you the opportunity to learn and to grow your confidence.
Public Speaking & Presentations
Audiences can lose track. Why is that? Here are three of the reasons:
They may go down Route 350. It’s said the mind processes about 500 words a minute, but we speak at only 150 per minute. During the other 350 people may switch off, preoccupied by their own thoughts, or their mobile phones!
They might be assessing, analysing, & evaluating the speaker’s words against their own views and experiences, thinking up counter arguments or supporting statements.
The third reason involves distractions: noise, heat, cold, the person next to them is sniffing, the speaker is fidgeting or wearing one blue sock and one yellow!
It is therefore vital to help your listeners stay on track. A key element is the structure, a clear introduction where you signal the main content, the body of the content and a clear closing statement, summary and call to action. Remember to speak at a pace people can keep up with but not so slow that they fall asleep!
Time Management & Self Management
Keep your top three goals in front of you; don’t lose sight of them.
If you are easily distracted and find it hard to focus on the task in hand, remove everything from your view apart from the one thing you’re working on.
Every evening make a to do list for the next day so you are ready to start in the morning.
Next morning, check your mails and messages in case there’s a new priority or what was a priority has been cancelled. Update your to do list … then begin!
Don’t run late, it’s stressful. Work out how much time you need, then add more than you think you need, and so avoid last minute crises.
- Zoom
- Mobile
Life Coaching including Leadership Coaching is usually online via Zoom, or alternatively on the phone.
What can I talk about?
You may choose to bring one immediate topic, such as dealing with a relationship difficulty, going for interview, handling change or stress in your life. You may want to develop speaking skills and practise one or more presentations. Alternatively, you may want to look broadly at your personal and working life and give it a complete MOT.
What will we do?
My approach as a Life Coach is partly to structure sessions (using the GROW Model) and partly to work intuitively, enabling you to learn & grow through self-discovery, creativity and reflection. Life Coaching may involve activities, discussion, questioning and goal setting with action plans to reach them, backed by continual support & encouragement to keep you moving forward. You can expect to explore new ways of thinking & achieving & become more self-reliant. At the end of each session you go away with an agreed, manageable Action Plan.
For your FREE 20 minute consultation
Email: info@lucyseifertcoaching-training.co.uk
Telephone: 020 8922 3140
Text or call: 07956 663151
How many sessions do I need?
Everyone is different with diverse needs and I like to offer clients flexibility. You may achieve your goals after 4-6 sessions, perhaps returning at a later date to pursue new goals. Coaching can also be taken over a longer period for ongoing support and personal development. Coaching works best if sessions are on a regular basis, weekly, fortnightly or monthly, to support you in attaining your goals.
What is an Action Plan?
At the end of each session, we agree an Action Plan for you to carry out before our next session, so that you are constantly moving towards your goals.
Who is it for? Is it for me?
Answer the simple quiz. See if you answer YES to one or more questions
- Are you at a point in your life where you’d like to review where you are and make plans for the future?
- Would it help to have a confidential, non-judgmental environment to talk over your dilemmas, & plan new directions
- Do you feel you’re not fulfilling your potential?
- Would you like to feel more confident and positive about life and work?
- Would you like to raise your self-esteem & be more assertive?
- Would it help to talk about relationship difficulties, personal or at work, & find ways to manage them?
- Do you have a dilemma or decision you’d like to think over with someone who can support you objectively to find a way forward?
- Would you like to present yourself more confidently?
- Are you job hunting and feel you don’t do yourself justice at interview?
- Do you feel generally stuck and want to MOT your life & work & focus on your personal development?
How can life coaching benefit me?
As a coach, I believe you have the answers to problems and difficulties and I will support you to find your solutions and to:
- Clarify what you want to achieve, short & long term
- Expand your self-awareness
- Increase your confidence & self-esteem
- Learn & practice new skills, such as assertiveness
- Sharpen your CV, do yourself justice at interview & deliver a winning presentation
- Create strategies & action plans to attain your goals & achieve a greater sense of personal & professional well-being
Am I too young at 18, too old at 50?
Whether you are a student starting out, a middle manager thinking of the next step, a top achiever at the height of your career or about to retire, Life Coaching is a powerful motivator, whatever your age. I will support you every step of the way, offering encouragement, practical strategies and the skills you need.
Will I learn new skills?
As an experienced skills trainer in assertiveness, communication and confidence building, I offer a unique opportunity to complement your life coaching with the skills you need to attain your goals.
1-2-1 Skills Training allows you to develop skills at your own pace to enable you to:
- Assert yourself
- Be a first-class listener
- Deal with bullying, difficult people & awkward customers
- Coach & manage your staff
- Handle anger, resolve conflict
- Manage pressure, stress and time
- Impress at interviews & presentations
- Speak confidently in public
- Write succinctly and effectively
What is assertiveness?
The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention (Oscar Wilde)
Assertiveness is a non-aggressive form of behaviour that encourages you to be more aware of your needs, feelings and opinions & express them appropriately while being sensitive to the needs, feelings & opinions of others. You learn a treasure trove of verbal and non-verbal skills to enable you to communicate clearly and succinctly, be able to ask and refuse, respond to criticism without getting defensive and confront difficult behaviours in others. By becoming more assertive you can have more honest, open relationships & you will find your levels of confidence and self-esteem will correspondingly grow.
What is bullying? Am I being bullied?
Bullying is persistent verbal &/or physical behaviour where you feel personally targetted and picked on and is likely to have a profound emotional impact. The symptoms are similar to those you experience when you are stressed, such as headaches, stomach knots, sleepless nights and fatigue. As bullying takes hold you are likely to feel depressed and withdraw. In a work situations you may feel demotivated, panicky, you may make more errors than usual, feel ill and dread going to work. Your self-esteem will be hit hard.
Can you help with stress? What is stress?
To understand stress is the first step towards managing it. Stress comes from the old French word ‘destresse’ = ‘to be oppressed’ and means ‘the inability to cope with the demands of a situation’. By exploring the specific causes of stress, we can find strategies to prevent, reduce and manage stress levels. Where relevant this may include developing assertiveness or time management skills or working on rebuilding lost self-esteem.
