Clients often ask why it’s so hard for them to assert themselves. They may have top jobs, managerial roles, be in professions that require speaking and public facing such as lawyers and medical practitioners. Yet speaking up for themselves feels a challenge. The prospect causes them anxiety.
Here are three causes of this type of anxiety.
You may identify with one or all of them.
- The anxiety of rejection
It is common to worry about rejection. If you ask someone for help, for example, will they refuse, thereby leaving you feeling ignored and disrespected?
If they do say no, it’s important not to take it personally. Your anxiety may be born of early experiences of being refused.
Remember they are refusing your request rather than you, personally. They may have good reason and be overstretched themselves. It’s always best to ask. After all, they may be happy to help.
- The anxiety of being thought ‘stupid’
Many people feel anxious about speaking up, saying how they feel, what they think, expressing their views. This might be at work but also personally. Perhaps you wonder if you have your facts right, or if others will trample on your feelings or views and try to make you look stupid.
How important it is to speak up when you feel you have something important to say. If you sit quietly, it could turn out that someone else says what you had in mind and takes the credit for it, credit that could have been yours!
- The anxiety around people with status
Another common hindrance to being assertive is in dealing with someone who has authority, expertise, power and status, perhaps directly over you. This might be your boss, or dealing with a professional such as lawyer or accountant, having a sense that they have the knowledge and it’s difficult for you to put your point of view.
No matter who you are dealing with, doctor, beautician, plumber, who have knowledge and expertise in their field, you have the right to ask them to explain what they plan to do, to query what they are doing and to ask them to rectify something you’re not happy with.
Overcoming these anxieties with Assertiveness
The good news is that you can learn to deal assertively with people and situations.
If you feel assertiveness coaching would help and want to know more, you are welcome to arrange a free initial call for 20 minutes without obligation to see how it would help. Life Coaching is adapted to meet your own unique needs and circumstances.
